Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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