She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
