i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize