Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
