and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You are the jesus of drinking
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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