Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
