Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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