why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
