I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You've changed since you got that strap on
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
