There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize