also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
