I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
