found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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