So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize