What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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