Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
