i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize