Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize