My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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