there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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