i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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