She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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