if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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