I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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