Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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