stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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