I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
