Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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