so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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