i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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