so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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