did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
