no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
