If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
