Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
