I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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