Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
