I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
