so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
