i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
