I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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