i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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