Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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