Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize