Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
