yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
