i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
