I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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