we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
