Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
