is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize