I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
