She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
