Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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