No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize