he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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