i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
