Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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