You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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