his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
