I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize