she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
