i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
