Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
