So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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