You made me cry and you don't even care
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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