And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
