You really coming over, don't trick.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
