don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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