why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
