dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
