So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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