y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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