i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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