After last night, I could never be a politician.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
