I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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