I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize