I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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