You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
