so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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