I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
