We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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