So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize