I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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