Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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