We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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