Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
