True but thats because hes a fetus.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
