I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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