Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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